Maybe, for a moment I miss your smart fashion.
The carefully constructed pieces of art, you'd proudly wear.
The way you'd pay attention to the smallest details.
In every way, you'd pay attention.
How you got me to improve myself by being you.
The way you'd care about me.
Using every sense of good and wonderful about you to pour into me.
Taking away the idea of fairness, and carefully constructing a garden in me.
The insanity of you loving us more than you loving you.
I remember the songs we'd write each other and the places we'd go.
Maybe, for a moment I think about the way we would exist in perfection.
Losing us, then leaving you finally hit me.
Like a ton of bricks.
I was numb and then set on fire.
"I left perfection. As perfect could be."
"The whole is greater than the sum of its parts."
And seeing the world without you wasn't the same.
Living my beautiful life was not the same.
But there was a tiny whisper in my soul.
I needed to go to be who I needed to be.
I needed to do it without you.
I've let you down too many ways to ever fix.
We can't bring back what we had when we had our best.
You turned away to build your kingdom.
You were willing to do and say anything to keep us.
I watched you lay your gold bricks perfectly.
A pavement projecting too many promises.
I found myself stumbling.
You were half. I was half. We were stuck.
The cracks to all your deception.
I fell farther than you could reach.
I was falling in love with people who possessed greatness I wanted for myself.
Greatness I felt I needed someone to instill into me.
Because that is what you used to do for me.
Being afraid of losing you meant losing me.
You were mine for so long, I took you for granted.
I should've been better, I can be better.
But better won't be for you, better is for me.
You always said I'd rise from the ashes and you always knew I'd be stronger.
You called me a "Phoenix on fire".
Perhaps, I am.
You will have better too and not from me.
You will have better too. Hopefully, from you.
Most likely through her. Because that is who you are.
I am whole now. I wonder, are you?
Have you found a way to believe that you can be all that you are without a half?
My soul dances with the fire that used to burn.
I hope you can feel as free as I do, I hope you experience the joy I do.
Maybe, we can have moments where we remember our favorite parts we never told each other and be happy to have had such perfection.
Because we know we lost that love long before we lost each other.