473 days since Infinity

Standing alone, although empowering is difficult.

Being able to be a whole without being his half can feel like being nothing at all during my weakest moments, and during my strongest, it's the best drug I've ever had.

Being completely honest and open has never felt so scary and liberating all at once.

Accepting that sometimes you can be completely sure… for a long time and then realize you may know nothing at all is painfully beautiful.

Realizing that keeping promises to myself, and regaining self-love sometimes means sacrificing one of the most important relationships in my life has been discouraging, yet clarifying.

Being at a point where I thought I have hit my capacity for compassion, love and self-sacrifice for another being and then pushing way past it is encouraging, yet confusing.

Knowing that I must love myself before loving anyone else is the fairest I could ever be when I enter a partnership.

Wanting people to get it and trying to explain how it has gotten to this point in my head, then trying to put it in words has been exhausting.

No matter what happens from here on out, and no matter how difficult it is to truly expel the reasons why... I choose to just be grateful. I am grateful to have had the kind of best friend you can tell all your secrets to without feeling an ounce of shame or judgement, where slumber parties never get old and traveling to the same place over and over again is still new, the kind of bond where you can look at each other and communicate telepathically, where you can literally manifest the craziest things to life by simply sharing with one another, the kind of support where you always feel safe to break boundaries and stand your ground no matter who disagreed, the kind of love where you can fight like two crazy people and then burst into laughter because it doesn't matter, and joke about really inappropriate things that are super funny but you would never want anyone else to hear (shhh), the kind of memories most people would kill to have, the kind of mutual devotion most people would only hope to gain and etc. and etc., infinity…